hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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