I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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