In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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