i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
