can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
