I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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