dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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