for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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