at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
