it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
