Little spoons don't ask big questions
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
