I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
