How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
