Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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