Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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