If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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