Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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