woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
