I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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