he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
