I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
