I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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