Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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