i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
