You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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