pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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