If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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