I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
