Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
