I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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