why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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