I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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