I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
