I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
