just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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