It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
