i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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