This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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