I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
