pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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