The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
