he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
