Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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