Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
