he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize