that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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