I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
