I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
