just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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