What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
