All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
