You smell like stripper and shame
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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