then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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