Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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