Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
