She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
