and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
