I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
