Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
