I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
