For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
