She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
