just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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