Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
