I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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