I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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