He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
